Remembering babies worldwide

Poem

I found this poem on Nicol Sponberg's website. She lost her son to SIDS. Well said.

Please Be Gentle
By Jill B. Englar

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one
and the shore seems miles away.
Waves of despair numb my soul
as I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and scream
and repeatedly ask 'why?'
At times, my grief overwhelms me
and I weep bitterly,
so great is my loss.
Please don’t turn away
or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain
before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through tears
and sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in my journey,
not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story,
I may need to tell it over and over again.
It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.
Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart,
and shared memories may trigger
both laughter and tears.
I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?

Liam Charles 7-23-09

I plan on writing a more in-depth post of Liam's story later and posting some pictures. For now though, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been there for us through this experience. We know so many people have prayed for so many weeks with us. The Lord has decided that Liam was needed with Him in glory. We had a beautiful funeral service for him on Monday. Please pray for us as our hearts heal. I can't believe how much I miss him already. My heart will forever have a place for our precious son. I can't wait to hold him in heaven.

Precious Nataleigh Grace

In the midst of our pain and sorrow, God certainly knew what we needed yesterday. Thursday at 9:37 p.m., Nathan and Emileigh welcomed Nataleigh Grace into this world. Yesterday morning, Patrick and I decided that we needed to meet our very first niece. After having such a sorrow-filled day, I wasn't sure on how I would do emotionally with this situation. But we both fell in love with Nataleigh, and I praise the Lord for allowing us to be able to spend time with her, to hold her, and to behold His perfect timing for everything. I think He knew just what we needed yesterday. I was reminded of how precious life really is. I also felt a profound peace, that yes, we will have our time too one day. Patrick was teary-eyed as we left the hospital. He was just so joyous and happy for Nathan and Emileigh. At only weighing 5 lbs 13 oz. and 18 inches long, she is so tiny, yet she has already blessed us in so many ways. I feel honored to be her aunt.

not the best news

Just a quick update...I might go into details tomorrow. Our baby has developed more fluid, now all over---called hydrops. His mitral valve has a more severe leak than last month. I am just coming up to 28 weeks and they don't think that they can help him until he is at least 32 weeks. The odds are really against him. They told me that there is a great chance of him passing away soon. If we delivered him now, I would probably have to have a classical c-section. This would put me at risk in future pregnancies. Anyways, we talked with the doctors and weighed out the risks and benefits. For now, we will keep him inside of me and hope for a miracle. My motherly instincts want to do everything I can to see him survive. I want to deliver him now and have the doctors intervene as much as possible. But, after talking with the doctors and hearing Patrick's thoughts, we will just wait. I will be checked weekly by the specialist in Saginaw. Please pray with us...that he will keep fighting until 32 weeks, that we will completely trust in the Lord through this, and that us, along with the doctors, will have the wisdom to make the best decision for our baby and for me and my health. Thank you for your comments on here! With love--Megan

26 week bump

Getting bigger :)

Ob visit and 25+week stats

We had a visit with our Saginaw Ob today, Dr. Minnic. First we had an ultrasound. My cervix is a little shorter than last time--3.1-3.4, but still ok. My amniotic fluid is on the high end of the normal range. The baby still had fluid on his abdomen. They didn't have the numbers from UofM, so they had nothing to compare it to today. His heart rate was 136bpm, which is in his normal range. They weren't able to look at the heart, because they are not specialized enough to. We sat down with the Dr. and had a real nice talk. He spent alot of time with us and answered any question that he could. He recommended that we see the specialist Dr. Wechter in Saginaw in the next week before we are seen in 2 weeks at UofM again. We saw Dr. Wechter 7 weeks ago, and he will be better qualified to look at our son's heart. We are just trying to take this day by day. Please pray that his mitral valve will function normally and that the fluid will clear up. Also, pray that I'll be able to carry him for as long as possible. Patrick and I talked about how this has been such a rollercoaster ride with all of the ups and downs. Life's circumstances are always up and down, but I am so thankful for the Lord who is constant, never changing. The only way we have been able to get through this, is by looking to Him. He has poured His grace on us, allowing us to have some peace and hope.



How far along?: 25+ weeks
Total weight gain: 22 pounds...142 lbs., most i've weighed in my life...catching up to my hubby :)
How much does baby weigh?: probably close to 2 pounds
Maternity clothes?: Yes and just bought a swimsuit today!
Stretch marks?: nope
Sleep?: my hips hurt alot now
Best moment this week?: seeing our baby on ultrasound
Movement?: tons now
Food cravings?: nothing
Labor signs?: no
Belly button in or out?: in between....so in still!
What I miss: nothing, i'm enjoying being pregnant
What I'm looking forward to: each day being pregnant
Milestone: making it two weeks past our last UofM appt.

I think I have officially "popped". My stomach seems to have grown so much in just two weeks!

2nd appt. at UofM

We really don't know how to start this, so we'll jump right into it. We had two appts. at UofM today. The first one was with the same pediatric cardiologist that we saw last time. He did an echo of the heart and found that it looks the same as last time. The mitral valve is still leaking, the same or maybe worse than last time. The mitral valve is on the left side of his heart, the side of his heart that is developed and functioning. He also noticed that there was fluid built up around the abdomen. Our second appt., we had a level II ultrasound done. This Dr. was very blunt with us. She said that based on the fluid on the abdomen and extra amniotic fluid, that our baby is in heart failure. She said she was very worried and that based on their experience this usually keeps getting worse. If that is the case, our baby will become sick in-utero and probably pass away. She said that there is a slight chance that this could get better. She emphasized slight. She also mentioned that his gall bladder is on the opposite side of his body, maybe caused by the umbilical veins being reversed, which is probably all related to his heart developing wrong. They want to see us back down there in a month...we also have the option of being seen by the specialist in Saginaw in 2 weeks just to see how the baby is doing. But, it would just be for us to know what is going on, there is nothing they can do for him at this point. She gave us some 3D pictures, which was nice. They also told us that he weighs 1 lb. 8 oz. right now. We are still trying to process this. We have a bunch of different emotions and thoughts going through us. We still have our baby boy with us right now, kicking and squirming, and we are thankful for that! Thank you for all of your prayers.

22+ Weeks

How far along?: 22+ weeks
Total weight gain: still 15 lbs.
How much does baby weigh?: i just read it...little under a pound
Maternity clothes?: Yes
Stretch marks?: no new ones
Sleep?: I've had a cold, so alot of sleep!
Best moment this week?: When Patrick felt the baby kick! awesome!
Movement?: tons now
Food cravings?: nothing, just super thirsty
Labor signs?: I hope not!
Belly button in or out?: in between....so in still!
What I miss: Nothing right now!
What I'm looking forward to: Our appt, a week from today
Milestone: still over half way!

Ob appt. in Saginaw

I had maybe one of my last appts. in Saginaw today. My cervix is looking great and so was our baby boy. He again was moving all over the place during the ultrasound. His heartbeat is still around 130, which is good. I talked with the midwife about our situation and she says we will be in the best of hands at UofM. Only 2 more weeks until we head back down there. Off to relax...

21 week belly

21 weeks...

How far along?: 21 weeks
Total weight gain: according to my scale today 15 pounds total!
How much does baby weigh?: i just read that he's as long as a carrot.
Maternity clothes?: i only have one or two pre-pregnancy bottoms i can still wear.
Stretch marks?: no new ones
Sleep?: sometimes my hips hurt or shoulders from laying on my sides
Best moment this week?: Jolene's wedding
Movement?: yes
Food cravings?: nothing special at the moment
Labor signs?: no
Belly button in or out?: in between....so in still!
What I miss: less blotchy skin
What I'm looking forward to: picking out a name for our boy
Milestone: Over half way!!




Belly pic to come later today!!!

Update on baby boy's heart

We had a very long day today in Ann Arbor at U of M. I was soooo hungry and now I am super tired! We met with a few different doctors and they all confirmed what the doctor in Saginaw had said last week that our baby does have "Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome" a major heart defect. This includes Tricuspid Atresia. Hypoplastic Right heart is more rare than Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, but it is kind of treated in the same way. Basically, the right side of his heart did not develop. He will live on one ventricle doing all of the work. The baby was moving so much during all of our scans that they will have to see if they can get even more specific when I go back in four weeks. They were very glad that he was active though...just means that he is healthy right now, so praise God! They also noticed that his Mitral Valve is leaky. This could be a serious thing for the baby right now. We are praying that his valve will stay the same or get better. At the very end of the day, we sat down with a Dr. Russell, who explained the different surgeries that they can do. They really won't know what our child exactly needs until we move further along. There are a few things it will depend on. He will probably need a surgery within the first week of life, a surgery at 3-4 months, and a surgery at 2 years. We were encouraged when he told us that some of the kids with his defect can still lead a semi-active life...they just can't play competitive sports. He also told us that these procedures are so new, (in the last ten or so years) that they can't predict life for him in say 30 years. Some cases require a heart transplant.

It was alot to take in again today. We know God has all of this planned out for us! Thank you for all of the kind words, support, and prayers! I can't go through this alone, I need my friends and family!

All of our love--Pat and Megan

19+ weeks and update on baby!

IT'S A BOY!!!!! We found at our 18 week appointment that our child is a boy! We weren't 100% for sure if we wanted to find out, but I'm glad we did! I feel even closer to this baby now. Again at this ultrasound, the tech noticed that the left atrium of his heart was really large. We sat down with the Dr. and decided to go ahead and have a Level II ultrasound with a specialist. Last Friday, we had our appointment with Dr. Wechter, (a terrific man who made us feel very comfortable)and indeed our son's heart has some problems. This specialist said that it appears that the right side of his heart didn't develop. The left side is doing all of the work. It is called Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome. A baby's heart is completely developed by 7 weeks. He said that the baby should be fine in-utero, which is good news. From the sounds of it, he will need a surgery soon after birth. He took alot of time with us and we got to see some up-close shots of his heart. He is sending us to the U of M Mott's Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor. We have 3 appointments lined up for tomorrow already! They will even be doing a fetal EKG...which will be interesting to see. I'm thankful that we have time to prepare for this and that we will be at a great hospital when he is born. I am amazed by all of the support from everyone. We are completely trusting in God to take care of us and this baby! I will post after our appointments on Wednesday.


How far along?: 19+ weeks
Total weight gain: up 10 lbs now!
How much does baby weigh?: no clue
Maternity clothes?: Just bought some more today...super cheap ones at Burlington
Stretch marks?: no new ones
Sleep?: it's been good...i have alot of weird dreams though
Best moment this week?: Finding out that we're having a boy!
Movement?: Yes!! everyday, many times!
Food cravings?: still juice
Labor signs?: Nope
Belly button in or out?: its in between now
What I miss: being able to move freely without having little pains
What I'm looking forward to: gaining some info on the baby's heart when we go to uofm
Milestone: almost to 20 weeks! halfway :)

17 weeks :)

How far along?: 17 weeks
Total weight gain: still 7 lbs. total
How much does baby weigh?: no clue
Maternity clothes?: I bought a few at goodwill yesterday!
Stretch marks?: no new ones
Sleep?: I try to just sleep on my sides now...it's super hard!
Best moment this week?: Keeping my mind off of the last ultrasound.
Movement?: I think I've had some this past week...little thumps and bubble feelings.
Food cravings?: breakfast food...juice...
Labor signs?: Nope
Belly button in or out?: I can now see the bottom of my belly button...it's normally super deep.
What I miss: Sleeping on my back.
What I'm looking forward to: Finding out the sex and being able to see the baby's heart better.
Milestone: hmmmm......

First belly pic

Here is my belly at 15 weeks.

15 weeks!

How far along?: 15 weeks
Total weight gain: still 5 lbs.
How much does baby weigh?: I think I just read 4 ounces?
Maternity clothes?: some pants...busting out of my normal pants today though
Stretch marks?: no new ones
Sleep?: I am always sleepy :)
Best moment this week?: seeing people be excited about the news
Movement?: not yet
Food cravings?: sweets and juice with crushed ice
Labor signs?: Nope
Belly button in or out?: in
What I miss: looking good in clothes
What I'm looking forward to: my appointment on the 28th!
Milestone: feeling more comfortable talking about the pregnancy


I still need to take a belly pic!!!

14 week stats

We are pregnant!!!! The due date is 0ct. 9, 2009. I decided I would blog some of my pregnancy stats on here so I can look back on them later.


How far along?: 14 weeks
Total weight gain: up 5 lbs.
How much does baby weigh?: no clue :)
Maternity clothes?: some pants
Stretch marks?: no new ones
Sleep?: Pretty good...just have to get up to pee twice a night
Best moment this week?: being free to tell people that we're pregnant
Movement?: not yet
Food cravings?: junk food
Labor signs?: Nope
Belly button in or out?: in
What I miss: having energy
What I'm looking forward to: the next ultrasound
Milestone: entering my second trimester!!